Almost exactly a year later, I’m back to the farm blog. Hooray!
Here’s a little tip: never, ever entitle anything Easy As Pie. That is just tempting fate to come along and smack you upside the head. That’s what happened to me. I got a little overconfident, the weather turned terrible (last winter it fell to -30° F in December, January, February, and March), the calf Jason Aldean was grievously injured due to my oversight (with lots of nursing he was fine, but I had sick horrors for a month), my family life was challenging, my working life as a school teacher pushed me to my limit and a little beyond — and in consequence I had to cut my life to the bone. I dropped church, book group, meetings, and this blog. I dropped plans to build our house last summer. I also skipped a lot of sleep.
This fall, exhausted on every level, I finally realized that no matter how hard I try, I can’t control the lives of loved ones. I can’t fix it for anyone else, no matter how great my love or how tireless my dedication. This has been a harsh, painful lesson. Care-giving is my default setting. I grew up believing that whatever the problem is, there is a book about it, there is a solution. I still tend to believe this, but I now understand (at least intellectually) that I am powerless to change anyone but myself.
All of this mental struggle has been tough. I have despaired. I have been bitter. The future has seemed bleak and all my lifelong dreams pointless.
But now I am moving forward again. I want to pick up and reclaim many of the small threads of joy in my life — such as this blog. Tomorrow is the winter solstice and with it comes the promise that the days will slowly get brighter.
Merry Christmas to all!