I’m Back!

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Almost exactly a year later, I’m back to the farm blog. Hooray!

Here’s a little tip: never, ever entitle anything Easy As Pie. That is just tempting fate to come along and smack you upside the head. That’s what happened to me. I got a little overconfident, the weather turned terrible (last winter it fell to -30° F in December, January, February, and March), the calf Jason Aldean was grievously injured due to my oversight (with lots of nursing he was fine, but I had sick horrors for a month), my family life was challenging, my working life as a school teacher pushed me to my limit and a little beyond — and in consequence I had to cut my life to the bone. I dropped church, book group, meetings, and this blog. I dropped plans to build our house last summer. I also skipped a lot of sleep.

This fall, exhausted on every level, I finally realized that no matter how hard I try, I can’t control the lives of loved ones. I can’t fix it for anyone else, no matter how great my love or how tireless my dedication. This has been a harsh, painful lesson. Care-giving is my default setting. I grew up believing that whatever the problem is, there is a book about it, there is a solution. I still tend to believe this, but I now understand (at least intellectually) that I am powerless to change anyone but myself.

All of this mental struggle has been tough. I have despaired. I have been bitter. The future has seemed bleak and all my lifelong dreams pointless.

But now I am moving forward again. I want to pick up and reclaim many of the small threads of joy in my life — such as this blog. Tomorrow is the winter solstice and with it comes the promise that the days will slowly get brighter.

Merry Christmas to all!

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11 Responses to I’m Back!

  1. jay ward says:

    Hurray! You’re back to your blog. I almost asked you a month or do so about the blog but knowing you are busy figured it wasn’t on the top of the heap. Looking forward to your posts.

  2. Sue says:

    Glad you’re back! I had recently discovered your blog when you stopped writing and I was disappointed. Looking forward to more posts and best wishes to you!

  3. Shawn Hoff says:

    You’ve been on my mind all year. I messaged you on KFC. I’m glad to hear that you’re doing some things for yourself. I, too, learned the “naming” lesson at least as it pertains to calves. 🙂 So good to hear from you!

  4. Farmer Wan says:

    Glad to see you are back. Look forward to reading more about your adventures on the farm.

  5. Susan Lea says:

    I had a cow with an abscess on her cheek, and in doing an internet search I found your post about your steer Stewart. I just kept looking at each newer post checking for updates, and lo and behold, here I am! I’m sorry the past year was so hard for you, but I’m glad you feel up to blogging again. I know sometimes I’ve gotten discouraged and slowed down on mine, too. I see from a comment above that you’re on KFC, and I am, too–zephryhillsusan. Hope to see you there.

    • adkmilkmaid says:

      Thanks so much to all of you for your warm messages of support. Jay, I will have freezer lamb for sale as soon as I have a moment to weigh the boxes, probably Friday! 🙂 Sue, Wan, and Susan, thank you! Susan, I was one of the earliest members of KFC over a decade ago — when we were a start-up group of about 20 women pooling information — but have had little time recently. Hi Shawn, thanks and I hope you are well!

      • Zephyr Hill says:

        I was just reading your weaning post on KFC and came to your blog, read backwards, and here I am! Hey, glad to meet you! I really, really hope things turn around for you now! We’d love to see you back on KFC, it has become an amazing place of support–not only for cows, but for our whole lives! So give yourself a pat on the back for your part in that! I was just marveling today that I haven’t even been a member for a year, and yet KFC is such a part of my life!

      • adkmilkmaid says:

        Hey, Susan, glad to meet you, too. I have been a member of KFC since the days when it was about 20 far-flung women from all over the country, back in 2003, I believe. I love it also, just haven’t had time for many things in the past year. I’m glad you’ve found support there.

  6. Susanna says:

    Happy to have you back. Nothing like reading about your farm when at my desk in the South Bronx. 🙂 Lots of love to you!

  7. theambitioushousewife says:

    You don’t know me from Adam but I have followed your blog since I discovered it in late 2010 and was sad to see it halt for a while. It is, hands down, my favorite farm blog and you (and what you do) are a continual source of inspiration for my own plans!

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