I’m making my Winter To-Do List today. This is a step forward for me. All my life I have kept lists. Seasonal lists, weekend lists, vacation lists, daily lists. In a pinch I will write on my hand in Sharpie marker. I’m the most forgetful person on the planet.
However recent months have been so stressful that I could never find the energy and optimism to assess the big picture. I felt hopeless and depressed. What did any of it matter?
Almost five years ago my dear friend Allen was stumping my back pasture in bad weather. His health was failing and he was weak and tired. Allen told me that to keep going he had to fix his gaze strictly in front of the excavator and not lift his eyes to the acres and acres of stumps still to pull. “I can’t look up,” he said.
I have remembered this so often lately. I haven’t been able to look up. All fall I’ve written the daily lists that kept me on track day to day, and let the dreams go.
However, summoning all my energy, I’m changing direction. (I think of the scene in Titanic when the ship’s giant gears are reversed and the stokers frantically pitch coal into the boilers. Of course we know how that worked out for them… but I’m counting on having a better rudder.)
DH wants to retire in five years. We need a home to move into and a manageable plan for reduced finances. It’s up to me to make it happen. I’m nervous, but I’m stoked.
It all starts with the list, and I’m making it today.